Love and connection are the fundamental elements of our humanity.
Our need and desire for love, connection and nurturing are the foundation on which we as a species have been able to create our fantastic complex society. And compassion is the mortar that holds this foundation together, simply we are hard-wired for compassion
Compassion is derived from the latin words com, which means with and passus or patior which means one who suffer, so compassion literally translates to with the one who suffers.
According the emotion researchers at The Greater Good Science Center, compassion as “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.” Suffering (in big and small ways) is inherent to the human condition, it is essential for our physical and emotional growth. We are confronted by suffering on a regular basis, and how we respond determines a large portion of our happiness.
Showing compassion and kindness can be expressed outward to others around us. Being compassion and kind towards others gives us the ability to be feel and experience love and see our immense interconnectedness. Our very survival depends on our ability to connect with each otherr because we can’t do it all ourselves that we rely on each other to get our emotional and physical needs met. Compassion allows for deep seamless connection without it, the fabric of our society unravels.
Evidence of this unraveling is all around us, from large apparent examples like terrorism, war, the refugee crisis to smaller examples of constant judgment, fearful thinking and the rampant disease of blaming.
Sometimes it is hard to be compassionate to others, it seems that it is even harder to show kindness and compassion to ourselves. This is a real problem, because we can’t be compassionate with others without first being compassionate and gentle with ourselves.
This can be a difficult concept to explain, but I came across this post on a neighborhood website, that demonstrates this principle pretty well,
I feel a lot of compassion for this person and their feelings, I have been there myself. For the sake of this example, I will attempt to breakdown this emotional response pattern at play here. Of course I can’t see into their mind so I don’t know this for sure, but this is my educated intuitive guess. It’s appears that this person was really shaken and upset about almost hitting a runner, which would have indeed been a terrible thing. But because they were unable to be easy and compassionate with themselves around what happened, they not only suffered from (normal/healthy) emotional guilt and upset, they turned this into pain and a measure of their own goodness, which is damaging and pattern forming because it includes pain (nothing creates new patterns better than pain) . In this case, we have a few choices in our reaction, we can allow the seed of “yes I am bad” to plant itself into our soul and color our opinion of our self. Or we can focus the pain relief externally, resulting in finding blaming and focusing anger on the external “causes”. In this example the blame became the pain reliever and blame was placed on the darkness, the cars illegally parked and the runner running on the street wearing dark clothing.
Both of these types of emotional coping and thinking patterns are insidious, often resulting in anxiety, fear, lack of trust, anger, frustration and relationship wreckage.
One of the problems with creating these types of thinking patterns is that is causes us to get stuck in fear and avoidance, leaves us completely unsupported and dangling in the wind. This is where we become stagnant and forward movement and leaps of faith are totally out of the question.
But there is a third option emotional response to the scenario above. And that is to tap into our self-compassion, dig deep into the discomfort, working through the guilty and upset emotions with gentle compassion. You never allow the painful seed to plant itself in your soul and self esteem. This allows for critical thinking and problem solving, which results in finding the opportunity for growth. (Example: OMG, that would have been terrible…what could I do differently next time)
If we can inject a large dose of self-compassion, we can move through suffering and create forward movement. Many of the blocks that we impose on ourselves can be removed when we have a more compassionate relationship with our selves.
What would your life be like if you knew no matter what, regardless of the size of the leap you take, you would be ok and fully supported.
Would you leap more often?
What if…
Instead of saying “I probably shouldn’t even start writing that book because what if it’s terrible and then you would have wasted all your time. Oh speaking of time, you will be selfish for using that time for that silly endeavor and taking the time away from your family duties”
You said “ I want to share this story that exists inside me and I will just start and see what happens. I know I will figure it out”
Instead of saying “I really want to start working out, but I can’t join a gym because everyone will be looking at me and thinking I am fat. I can’t bare the rejection”
You said” I will start working out because I want to nourish myself better and feel better in my own skin, no one is going to judge me and if they do, I can handle it and I will have compassion for them because they must be going through their own personal self judgment”
Instead of saying “ I really don’t want to say Yes to this request, but if I say No, maybe they won’t like me any more (or see how unlikeable I am) ”
You said ”No, that doesn’t work for me. My time and energy matters and I chose to spend it in ways that impact me most positively. I will let them manage their own emotions around my answer. I am committed to honoring myself and my most important needs.”
How would it be if we compassionately honored our selves and our journey. Then allowed this new compassionate out look extend outward?
We all have dreams and goals for the future, and what gets in the way of achieving our dreams is the fear and self-doubt that is created by a lack of trust in ourselves that is created by a lack of compassion for ourselves and our own sufferings through life.
So happiness, growth and personal achievement are only created through nourishing self kindness and compassion. Because when we are growing, expanding, being bold and taking action, things will get “real”, because they always do and you have to have a firm foundation of “ I can do this, I will figure it out” to move through it and grow from the experience.
[bctt tweet=”Happiness, growth and personal achievement are only created through nourishing self kindness and compassion”]
Dreams and happiness are created and realized through self-compassion. When we are able to be kind and compassionate with ourselves and our own humanity, then we can extend kindness and compassion to others when they are experiencing life and their own humanity.
So pay attention to your thoughts, if they aren’t empowering and creating a reality that is moving you towards your goals, take the time to be kind and compassionate with yourself and see how that changes your life and your relationships.
Compassion is an inside job. Start there and then spread the love. You will change the world.
[bctt tweet=”Compassion is an inside job. Start there and then spread the love. You will change the world.”]
I believe in you
XO,
Sally
P.S. This post is the 4th in a series about The importance of Self Love and Self Care, check out the others too! ( Self love. Exercise and Nourishing Food)
