Recently, I was invited to speak in front of an amazing woman’s organization. I was incredibly flattered and excited, but then I soon started to have those feelings of “Oh no, if do this, everyone will find out that I am not as smart or funny or inspirational as they think.” came over me. And so I even said to this woman, ” You know I am not very ‘big-time’ right? I am fairly new at this. Have you read my articles?” “I don’t want you to be disappointed in your choice of speaker. – I didn’t say this last one, thanks to my very limited, but sometimes functioning internal edit button.
So basically, someone was giving me this awesome opportunity in my career and difference making in the world, and I am telling her, you should probably reevaluate your choice. Maybe, I am not as “great” as you think I am.
I was having a massive case of “Imposter Syndrome.”
Imposter Syndrome was introduced by researchers in Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in their 1978 research. They observed that “many high-achieving women tended to believe they were not intelligent, and that they were over-evaluated by others. ” Imposter Syndrome, is basically when a person can’t truly internalize their own worth or accomplishments, so they are worried the world will find out that they are not as “good” as they think. “I must keep performing to make sure no one finds out that I am a fraud. And when they find out, they will know I am not worthy of the success I have.”
This phenomenon does not only affect women, some very influential men have written about these feelings. In fact, Albert Einstein once told a friend ” the exaggerated esteem in which my life’s work is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” But unfortunately, there is still a pretty big confidence gap between men and women in the world today.
Recently, on one of my coaching days, a single theme kept appearing in many of my coaching conversations for the day. Fraud. The feeling that sooner or later they are going to figure out that we are not as awesome as everyone thinks.
And wow, have I been there, in fact, I frequently struggle with this particular bear.
And as they say, “We teach best what we most need to learn” – Richard Bach
But for all those people who struggle with those feelings, there is one thing I know for sure about Imposter Syndrome, is that it only shows up in people who putting themselves out there, daring to make a difference and doing really cool stuff. If you live in a place of fear and are constantly keeping yourself small, then chances are, you are not going to feel like you are an imposter. But this also means you aren’t living to your fullest potential and therefore robbing the world of something amazing.
Ok, so there will always be times when we feel a little off our game, but we can still stop the sometimes self-sabotaging behaviors (as in my story above) and always yucky feelings of being an imposter and a fraud. Here are a few ideas to help you work through some of these thoughts and feelings.
– Stop trying to be perfect, and focus on the value you bring to a situation or organization. Remember “giving your best is not the same as being the best”.
– Own your Power. You are pretty awesome, and remind yourself about this every day. Allow judgement to be what it really is, a reflection of their insecurities and feelings of smallness, they are not a measure of your value. You have a strong and important purpose in this world, own that and keep walkin’.
– Find the right support. Gather friends, colleagues, mentors or coaches around you, who get you, want to support you and what you are working to accomplish. It is hard to find and own your power if you are surrounded by people who are themselves playing small, who can’t relate to you or are downright judgemental of you. You need to find people who are on same frequency as you, or who are on a frequency you want to be on. This can be tough because often the people in your life want to be supportive, but just don’t know how or they can’t fully comprehend you life or choices. It’s not that your current friends and loved ones, don’t love and appreciate you, it’s just that they sometimes have a hard time not seeing life through the filter of our choices (and we may also have some vulnerability feelings about those choices too).
– Actively Acknowledge your role in your own success. You have worked really hard and made sacrifices to achieve your current success, it is not just luck, or position or a fluke, it’s you. Your determination, resilience, hard work and unique gifts have gotten you where you are now, remind yourself of this often. This isn’t bragging or being “full of yourself”, this is truth telling and affirming yourself. It’s just like you would tell a child, “that was great; you worked really hard. You are awesome!” you should tell yourself the same thing.
– Practice Gratitude. Say thank you often for your unique talents and gifts. It is these strengths that have allowed you to position yourself in a place of power and success. Also be thankful to the trailblazers who have sacrificed and struggled before you. They have paved the way for your climb and given you an example to follow. Finally be grateful to the universe or god or your own greater power, for helping you cultivate the courage to recognize and accept opportunities in your path. Not everyone can find the courage.
“Opportunities come to those who expose themselves to them.” – Kyle Eschenroder
You got this friend. You are not an imposter, you truly are as smart, passionate, kind, capable, loving, and worthy of the success you have achieved.
You are a trailblazer, and you are changing the world everyday, make it in the ways you want.
Play big, step into your power and be kind. Life doesn’t get much better than that.
With love,
P.S. Do you need someone in your corner, someone who is on your same powerful frequency? Yes? Well then, Call or email me today, we need to talk! I would love to help you create your fullest, most beautiful life!
