I loved this weeks Conversation Starter…it is all about a topic, I feel very passionate about! Well, really it’s something I feel passionate about changing… our culture’s obsession external beauty, especially a woman’s external appearance.
For more than a millennia women have been commodity, where our physical attributes were highly valued and…frankly were our value. This may sound a little dramatic, but think about it. It is really just in the last 100years that women (in some countries) could own land, have a vote, and have a real say in their lives and so it’s no wonder we put a lot of stock into being desirable. For the sake of our survival and success, we had to attract the right husband.
Our value came down to how well we could package ourselves (being pretty, dainty, soft spoken, agreeable) who we married and having babies.
We have come a long, long way in the legal rights that we have in our world (even though some women around the world still have almost no rights at all), but even though, legally we have broken through the barriers, we still many, less tangible barriers that are limiting our growth.
And I feel one of the biggest of these barriers is our preoccupation, obsession really, with our appearance, our body size/shape, being skinny, not being fat, thigh gaps, collar bones, six packs, brazilian buns….I could go on forever.
In the pursuit of the perfection, is exhausting and crazy-making. And it’s such a waste of our time and energy!
But I get it, because I was drowning in this whirl-pool for a long, loooooooong time. I was obsessed with losing weight, being pretty, my saddle-bags, my rolls, my face, my hair…blah, blah, blah…the personal torture and dissection was endless and fruitless, because what I was really searching for was to feel valuable and important.
From a young age girls are given subtle and not so subtle messages that our physical appearance is really, really important, and the other. And because social connection and approval is vital to our survival and wellbeing, invest a lot (too much) of our energy focused on this measure of value and acceptability.
So how do we change this?
Well, the responsibility and power to change this comes down each one of us taking personal inventory about how we are buying into this story. We must look at ourselves and see how we are buying into this story of value and acceptability.
How much time and energy do you spend obsessing about your body, what you eat, how you look?
Do you have body shaming conversations with yourself about yourself or about other people? (ex “I am soooo fat” “I am too gross to wear a swimsuit.” “OMG, can you believe she would wear that?” “Sandra is looking chubby these days.” “It’s no wonder he left her, she has put on so much weight.” )
Do you have body shame perpetuating conversations with other people? (ex. “Do look fat in this?” “OMG, can you believe she would wear that?” “Did you see what she ordered, she really should have ordered a salad.”
You know what…all of these examples are examples of things I used to say about myself and other people, because we shame other people for stuff we feel the most shame about..
So let’s stop it! Let’s stop feeling shame about our body, our looks! No matter how big, small, smooth, straight or crooked, our piece of our body should never be something we feel shame about. And all we have to do is stop buying into the this value story.
We are not our bodies, but when we shame our bodies we shame who we are.
- Start actively loving your body for all the amazing things it does for you everyday (like getting up in the morning, and reading this AWESOME article about self love).
- Talk to yourself in a loving caring way.
- Eat nourishing food and exercising, not to lose weight or get to 10% body fat, but to feel strong, healthy and whole. And so you have enough energy to take over the world!
- Put yourself at the top of your priority list. Your sleep, nutrition, time, wants, dreams, and needs are important and shouldn’t be neglected!
This less body obsessed, more empowered way of being starts one conversation at a time…with ourselves and eachother.
Changing our conversations, changes ourselves and changes the world.
Now go out and change the world!
With love,
Sally
P.S. If you are interested in changing your life and yourself you would LOVE the Empowered Warrior Academy. It is all about women, coming together, supporting each other, and learning (from yours truly) how to Love yourself better, get healthy(mind, body and soul style) and be fully Empowered to take on the world! The next Session starts in September 2016 and registration begins in August 2016. Contact me today if you are interested…I will put you on the special list to find out all the deets!
