To me, love is the unconditional appreciation, affection and care for someone or something.
As humans we must have love in our lives to survive, but we must have unconditional love and care in our lives to thrive.
Our lives are made up of many different types of relationships, like the ones with bosses, neighbors, friends, parents, friends and children. Of course some of these relationships are more important and pivotal than others, for example the relationship you have with your boss is not was important as the relationship you have with your partner, parents or children, because these foundational relationships have the potential to nurture and unconditionally love us.
Be regardless of what type of relationship, if you want it to be functional and thrive, you must nurture it and consciously put positive time and energy into the care of that person (or thing) and the relationship it self.
We are amazing beings of love, so we are hard wired to practice and seek love and connection unconsciously with the people around us, our children, our partners, family, siblings, and when virtuously given and received, it feels good and we can thrive and expand. But the shade side of this natural inclination to be lovers and seekers of connection, is that if our needs are not met or not met in the way we need, then we start hustling and becoming needy and maybe even giving too freely of our time, energy, love and consideration to people around us, both those that deserve it and those don’t.
But the shade side of this natural inclination to be lovers and seekers of connection, is that if our needs are not met or not met in the way we need, then we start hustling and needy for in gaining filling this need, and maybe even start giving too freely of our time, energy, love and consideration to people around us, both those that deserve it and those don’t.
And often in the hustling to find love and connection we forget to gift our time, energy and love to the one person who needs our love (appreciation, affection and care) the most ourselves.
Love is unlimited and it expands when it is experienced and given. But the problem is that we too often get confused about what is love and where it comes from. We think love is something that is given to us, but the truth is, love must be nurtured from within. The love you feel and “receive” from others is only a reflection of the love within us that shines out. This is our Essence (soul, spirit, chi, life-force)
Our essence is the internal source of love within each of us.
It has always been within us and it’s always shimmery and beautiful. It’s waiting to be tapped into and shared.
As children we come into this world open and ready to love and connect. And our goodness and spirit is exposed and wildly unguarded, we are beautifully vulnerable. But sadly, through harsh life experiences and messages, we learn the “dangers” of being beautifully vulnerable and we cover up, protect and block off our shimmery wellspring. We become confused about love and our idea of love travels upstairs and we start spending all of our time and energy locked upstairs in our heads where it is boxey and safe. And we forget the power that it held down there by the water.
We become disconnected.
We lose touch with our life force, with our self.
And beginning this disconnection from love causes us to feel sad and lackluster. And that feels icky so as humans we need to make sense of those feelings and so we box them up, rationalize, blame, label, and point to stuff around us as the possible cause; circumstances, family, people around us and very often ourselves (I am not enough). The last one is especially part of the female go-to.
And so we start hustling to find that sense of love and connection. And the hustle often looks like; doing, pleasing, over or under eating, anger, judging, worrying, purchasing, consuming, blaming, drinking, drugging, doubting, using…and all the other ings we engage in to reconnect with ourselves (love) and to feel love and valued.
But it never feels like love or value. In fact the more we travel down this path, the more lost and disconnected we feel. And so we keep searching, buying, eating, hating…
So we need to come back to the truth and to our true source of love, our essence and ourselves.
We need to start nurturing this, the most important relationship of our lives, the relationship with self.
And as with any relationship in our lives, we must make our relationship with our self a priority, give it time, energy, consideration and gentleness.
It is only through a strong relationship with the source of our love, can we love, care for and nurture those around us.
This is a universal true for all of us, both men and women, but I think this disconnection and inattention to the needs of Self is especially a problem for women.
We at our core are nurturers, but we are taught from an early age that our value is primarily found through giving, doing and pleasing, and the other fiercer, stronger, bolder parts of our essence is minimized and sometimes forbidden. When we are told that a large part of who we are is unseemly and wrong, it causes us to put up walls and barriers around this vulnerability and we start feeling insecure and second-guessing our selves, choices and decisions. We second guess our innate value and worthiness.
So how do we get back to ourselves?
We must nurture the relationship you have with yourself, the same way you nurture any important relationship in your life.
Nurture the beautiful woman within.
- Make time for her.
- Be kind and gentle with her, tell her how much you love her and how proud you are of her. Speak loving affirming words too her.
- Forgive her for past wrongs and be compassionate with her as she learns and grows (there will be growing pains).
- Start anew with a commitment to loving her as she is now, not with withholding love until she changes.
- Say you are sorry if you make a mistake, are cruel, ungenerous, or thoughtless with her feelings.
- Hug her when she is hurting or in pain. Remind her that she deserves only people in her life that will treat her with respect and consideration. And stand by her when she stands up for her self or needs to be strong to have those hard conversations with the people in her life that are not meeting her new standards of love and respect.
- Have fun with her. Discover what she is into, what makes her super jazzed and excited. What she dreams about.
- Tell her she is beautiful inside and out every day, many times a day.
Nurture the love and majesty within yourself, because this is the source of all of our goodness, generosity, strength, passion, caring and abilities.
One comment I hear all the time is “ Won’t focusing on ourselves makes us selfish” and I say, no way! Because when we focus on finding the essence and love within ourselves, only beautiful things abound. When we tap into our love, it expands and we have more to give and you will be in service of others, because that is what you are at your core.
If however your pursuit of wholeness and self love is self-gratifying instead of self-honoring or stoking your ego instead of tapping into your spirit, it will feel icky and you will feel yourself contract. But don’t worry, just start doing it and you will know the difference but you will know the difference, I promise
Being the seeking spiritual-mutt that I am, I find my inspiration from all forms of wisdom (there are just so many) and as I am writing this last part, this biblical verse comes to mind from Corinthians 13:
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Love is you. Love is us. Love is our Soul.
So find yourself, my soul sisters, and love, honor and cherish the awesomeness that is you. This will allow the love to abound to all the beautiful souls around you.
From my soul to yours,
Sally
P.S. Remember if you every need a little guidance or support, I am here
