Hey, Hey everyone. Welcome to episode three. I am so excited. You are joining me today for this third of what I believe are the basics of health and wellbeing. In episode one, we talked all about nutrition and food and why it’s so important to optimize our nutrition and what that can look like.
In episode two, we talked all about movement and exercise and how that benefits our body, mind, and soul. and today I want to talk about something that is really important, but sometimes doesn’t get as talked about whenever people are discussing wellness and making changes and all of that, but I feel like we cannot really make changes in our diet and our exercise without also looking at our mindset.
Can’t really make consistent changes. In our diet or to our movement and exercise without also looking at the. Mindset piece. So to me, our mindset is really how we go about reaching our goals, meeting our goals and living up to our potential. This is really the stuff that gets in our way and stops us in our tracks, keeps us from moving forward or it’s the stuff that propels us forward.
It’s the stuff that keeps us up at night makes us want to quit or keeps us motivated and keeps us doing the work. Even when we can’t really see the progress, it’s all the intangible stuff that makes all the difference. People are always a little surprised when they start working with me, because while we do spend time on the structural parts of wellness, what you eat, how to eat.
What exercise is best. Those things are really important, um, to find out more, listen to episode one and two, but we also spend a lot of time really unpacking the mental, emotional stuff that are sometimes the reasons why we aren’t reaching our goals. There’s a gap. This is the gap between. Knowing what we know.
And most of us know a lot. There’s a lot of information to consume out there about wellness, what to eat, how to move, but there’s a gap between what we know and doing it consistently. And sometimes this gap is one of action and sometimes it’s a need for more emotional and soul alignment. So that is the word.
Victor Frankel says. No cure that fails to engage. The spirit can make us well. And that is the wellness and the wholeness that I seek both for my clients and for myself, I can give the most pristine diet plan and exercise routine. But if the other stuff isn’t there, you will be white knuckling it the whole way.
That’s not sustainable. That’s not fun. That does not bring us joy. And so that’s where working on the mindset piece, in addition to really the structural parts of wellness, that’s where the transformation happens. Okay. Now for the howtos, let me just say, like with everything, this is very specific to each of us.
I hope to give you a framework that you can apply to your life, but you are all different. I am different from you. So what works for me will not work exactly the same for you. And we all have our own bugga boos and things that continue to trip us up. But as you work through this mindset piece, in addition to transforming how you eat, how you move, you will find that you will transform in ways that you never would’ve guessed and go way beyond how much you weigh, what your blood sugars are.
Okay, let me give you the framework. The main three pieces of this mindset work first, you must gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your goals and your why, your motivation. Second, you really have to cultivate a new level of confidence and resilience. And third, you have to do the work you have to put in the reps.
That is the only way we can one gain confidence and resilience, but two really make the changes that we’re looking for. Okay. Let’s dig in first gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your why. This is the real reason that you want to make this change. Why do you. To lose weight. Why do you want to run that marathon?
What is your reason for making these wellness changes? The reason why it’s so important to really understand the why is because change is hard and. Every change needs a catalyst. And that catalyst, that reason that is what will really help motivate us when things get hard. And it will get hard because you won’t always.
Be able to see the progress that you’re making, because progress is never linear. It never works where you lose weight consistently for six months, or you have pristine blood sugars from now until the end of time or whatever that metric is that you’re looking at success will continue to get better. Get less good.
Get better. And so we have to be able to go back to what really motivates us or why, so that we continue, we can continue through those plateaus. So let me give you a really common example of what this could look like. So let’s say I have a new client who comes to me and they want to lose weight. They’re in their thirties, forties, fifties.
And their goal is to lose about 20 to 30 pounds. When I ask why, why do you want to lose weight? They typically say something like, I don’t like the way I look in my clothes. You guys can probably guess some of the typical reasons why people want to lose weight and these are, are all. I carry no baggage around the desire to lose weight.
I think it is really great to want to feel more confident and beautiful in your clothes in your body. And sometimes weight loss is part of that journey. But when I want to understand more, what is truly motivating this desire, I’ll ask things like, okay, so you. to feel better in your clothes. How did you feel when you were in that smaller size?
What was different? How were your relationships, what was your job? Like? What was your relationship like with your partner? Can you remember a time when you felt beautiful and confident what was different back then? I want people to go back to what they are seeking. Emotionally, because the weight is just a way to get there.
It’s the vehicle. But what they’re really desiring is to feel different, to show up differently in their life. And the seeking is often about having lost something, having lost a way of feeling in the world, maybe. Their sense of self has gotten forgotten in the hustle and bustle of having kids, having a job, having a busy life, and they want to get back to feeling empowered, feeling connected, both with themselves and with their future, with their goals, with their partners, with their friends, and sometimes our health and our wellbeing.
Has been put on the back burner for years. And so that is a really good and tangible way to begin relearning how to care for yourself in a more loving and generous way. So sometimes it’s something that we lost or we have gotten out of touch with sometimes this newfound desire to transform is really about reaching something new.
Maybe you’ve never felt comfortable in your skin. Maybe you have always put your needs last and you are wanting to stop being that smaller version of yourself. And you really want to transform into something. Feels more aligned with your soul and your spirit. And so that is a really valid reason why people want to engage in this wellness journey, lose weight, just feel good in their bodies so they can show up more in empowered in their job with their partners, with their kids in all the ways.
It’s really important for us to know our motivations. So I recently stumbled upon a personality test. I have taken a bunch of personality tests in my life. Um, I’ve done the Myers Briggs. I’ve done the colors. I love. Testing and gathering data and information, but this personality test really stuck with me differently.
So it’s called the Enneagram. Many of you have probably heard of it or taken it yourself, but it has been really eye-opening for me, I’m a three on the Ingram, which. They say that a three is very action oriented goal oriented, focused on productivity and efficiency. That is very much me sometimes to a fault.
Sometimes it’s very helpful. Threes are also. Maybe overly tied to external validation and, oh my gosh, this was so eye-opening for me, it was such an epiphany for me. First. It told me that not everybody is like that. And of course that sounds like duh , but some of the things about myself are unique to my personality.
This was both validating and also a little shame inducing. I’m not gonna lie. I mean, who wants to be confronted with their bugga boos, but it gave me, I guess it gave me permission to not feel shame about some of my tendencies that are less good. And I. Look at them as opportunities for growth. So I actually started seeing a new therapist who really has helped me gain a new understanding of how to engage with myself differently, but it has really opened my eyes up to my wise, my wise for doing things.
And they weren’t always positive or really even all that motivated when I peel back the layers and I am fully engaged, but when I stop engaging with my goals from a place of external validation and really feel more aligned with my true reason, which is. The desire to be of service. And my measuring stick is internal motivation, wanting to be helpful and help people transform and feel good.
Instead of sometimes my tendency to seek validation externally gratification externally, this really helped me. Is helping me cuz I’m a work in progress. It really helped me realign more quickly and keep from drifting into that lane of external seeking. It also helped me really embrace my positive differences.
The fact that I am innately. Good at setting goals and good at being productive. This was something that I honestly thought everybody could do. And I didn’t give myself enough credit to really lean into those skills. And sometimes frankly, I felt kind of bad for them because I am very striving. I’m working on that, not being something that is.
A bludgeon, but I am always focused on what’s next. And I like to have goals that I set for myself, not just. Career goals, but, but also like fitness goals, I have found that I love to have a set goal for the month. Like a few months ago, I focused on getting a certain number of steps every day. Um, I like to have races that I’m training for.
I like to just have one goal. Like that makes me feel very comfortable. Um, and it really keeps me focused on my. Positive outcomes. So basically what I’m trying to say is that by understanding what motivates us, that really helps us stay on track and not everybody like myself is going to really be motivated by goal setting.
Some people like different numbers are more motivated through making personal connections or standing out. And so really understanding your wise, that’s so important in helping us stay on track and this knowing what is motivating and not motivating keeps us from. Overly focusing on what isn’t working and what’s not validating because we all have experiences in the world that are not very validating that people around us don’t really understand what we’re working towards.
Really. Aren’t able to affirm us in that way and that’s fine. The people in our lives. Are not always going to build you up and motivate you and affirm you the world and the people in our lives are here to be mirrors that reflect back to us how we feel about ourself. And that is often where we need to do the work.
We need to do the work in having a better relationship with ourself and a better perception of who we are. And that way, when we look to the outside world, look to the people in our lives, we don’t see our shortcomings. We don’t see what we dislike about ourselves reflected back to us. Instead, we begin to see what makes us special and really what makes us really valuable humans and what makes us unique.
So being really clear about our motivations on this wellness journey makes the journey. Easier more fun and more transformative. Okay. Now for the howtos, you know, I love some howtos . So how do you gain this clarity? Some of my favorite ways are first journaling. I think journaling. Is really powerful. It’s been powerful for me.
It’s been powerful for my clients. Writing really takes the jumble of words and emotions that sits in our head that can sometimes feel really heavy and makes it more linear. It makes it make a little more sense. And when it makes more sense, and we’re able to put words to how we feel that is when we can start changing.
Next is meditation. This is another thing that really changed my life. I started meditating about nine. Probably 10 years ago. And I really began because I started seeing everybody online, being like, this is the greatest thing ever, and you’re gonna totally love it. And it’s gonna be amazing and it changes your brain.
It increases your gray matter. And so I was like, I want some more gray matter. So I just kind of began and meditation can be really hard. You have to really put in the work before you start to see the benefits. This is really one of those things that you have to just kind of push through and stay with it, even though you aren’t really having huge breakthroughs.
And, um, with meditation, there are so many different ways of doing it that I feel like it’s really accessible for people. There are many reasons why meditation is so powerful, but one of them is that it allows us to have peace and quiet with our soul daily. Um, and this really allows us to get more aligned with our soul.
It also helps us to notice our thinking. So we have thoughts all day, every. and some of those thoughts are motivating. Some of those thoughts are less helpful and it’s hard to start changing those thoughts when we don’t know that they’re happening to us. And that is one of the real benefits of meditation is that it starts allowing you to practice, noticing your thinking so that you can start modifying that both.
When you’re meditating. And then also when you’re not, I’m gonna. Way deeper into meditation in another episode. But for now, meditation is just the quiet space that allows us to realign with our spirit so that we can move forward in a more empowered way because our spirit has the answers that we’re seeking already.
We just have to be able to listen and meditation creates that space. Next thing I really love is guided imagery. So this can be done through a set meditation, or you can just practice this throughout your day. I actually like utilizing both, um, say you want to lose weight or you want to stop binge eating, or you want to feel more in control over a relationship difficulty that you’re having.
Create that image in your mind, think about how you will feel, how you will walk into the room. When you have met that goal, how will you speak, how will your clothes fit? How will you show up? And then once you have this vision of what that could look like, start picturing that, and this may sound kind of silly, but once we can really visualize what that looks like, we’re able to have.
A more concrete vision of that. And we will begin believing that. And that actually brings us to my next point. Really believing that change is possible. Believe that what you want can and will come true. This develops confidence and resilience to help you keep going. When things get hard, this lack of belief.
Is really one of the biggest reasons I see people quit and I myself sometimes lose momentum because my belief in what I’m trying to achieve starts to kind of erode. So let me ask you a question. If you knew that if you did the work that you would get there, if you knew that if you did the work, what you are hoping to achieve, Would happen for you?
Would you continue? Would you keep going? That’s a no brainer. Of course you would. Of course you would. But the problem is that most of the time we want it, but we sometimes have that little voice in our head or that belief system reminding us of our past failures and why we don’t. Measure up and why it hasn’t worked out in the past.
And this is sometimes why it’s so hard to stay the course. Especially when progress, isn’t very apparent you weren’t losing weight. You had a bad run. Uh, your blood sugars had a bad day. Um, your blood sugars were not quite what you wanted them to be. You. Maybe had a bad eating day or you didn’t get your work at it.
Whatever the reason is this is hard to kind of push through because you have that old voice that is like, oh, see, see this, this is what always happens. You always do this. That is buying into the belief that it’s not gonna work out for you. And so who wants to put in the work whenever you feel like it’s futile?
So you have to really change this belief system so that you can really have confidence in your ability to make the changes. Knowing that it’s not gonna be linear and you’re gonna have some setbacks, but instead of seeing those setbacks as the end, as a failure, you have to see them just as data, as information about how to get better, because.
You’re gonna make this work. And the thing about changes is that we often have this idea of the outcome that we want, but it rarely ever turns out to be exactly like we had envisioned. And in fact, if we get there, it’s often better than we could have ever conceived. And so really changing that belief about what we think is possible is a game changer.
To me mindset, the thoughts that we have, the emotions, the reasons, the whys, the why nots. This is really what propels us forward or keeps us stuck. So how are you supporting yourself? What does your belief system about your ability look like? Are you making it easier? Are you making it hard? Okay, how do we begin to start making these changes?
First, we have to know when we are getting in our own way and then what to do to change that. So first we have to start compassionately noticing what is getting in the way and what keeps tripping us up. This is what I like to call thought work. We are talking to ourselves all the time. How are you speaking to yourself about the progress that you’re making, maybe the missteps, what is that non-conscious or even slightly conscious, maybe fully conscious, inner dialogue that you are having throughout the day.
And then what are the actions that you’re taking or not taking that are getting you closer or further away from your goals? Are you going outside for that walk after work, even though you are tired and trying to talk yourself out of it, are you getting home from a stressful day and going those chips?
None of these things are necessarily bad or wrong, but if they are getting you further away from your goals, gaining an understanding about why we’ll help you make different choices. We are complex beings and we have so many layers. And once you peel back, one of those layers, you will always find more, but often just noticing our thoughts and our patterns.
Really help you change them. And you really want to not only notice the negative stuff, but also notice the positive stuff notice when you feel good and powerful and strong and do more of that. Just like with. Me noticing that setting goals. It’s actually very motivating for me that helps me support myself in a way that is more empowering and that may be different for you, but really noticing what is empowering and what will help you move forward is really important.
One of my favorite things to do is to create mantras. These are mantras that I have created both when I am feeling less than, and also when I am feeling powerful. So sometimes I will notice that I’m running or talking or having great conversation. And I notice, oh, This makes me feel good. So I will incorporate that into my mantra that I can use for when I am not feeling quite as good.
It can be as simple as come on. You can do it whenever you’re at the end of a hard workout. Or for me, one of my favorite mantras is. You are important and valuable, and people want to hear what you have to say. This last one is one that I have to use pretty often because you may or may not have noticed, but I stutter.
And this is something, this is my Keely’s heel. I feel like, especially right now, as I’m starting this podcast, I have to continue. To remind myself of this statement. People want to hear what you have to say whenever I start to shrink or when my stuttering gets really bad, because I’ve noticed that that is what that underlying belief system is, that causes my words to get stuck in my body.
And so you will have to notice and then create these mantras for yourself. We often give ourselves a lot of excuses and we throw some roadblocks in our own way. So I’m not throwing shade because these are often non-conscious ideas that we have been navigating the world with. And we’ve been navigating the world with these ideas for so long that even though they feel yuck, they also feel normal.
So by compassionately noticing. What are your tendencies? This is the first step of really setting yourself free. Getting curious about yourself. You will find so many beautiful and surprising gems, and this will help you begin to believe in your own potential and your own abilities. This is the magic belief in yourself is really the magic.
We have talked about finding your, why, finding your motivation, unpacking your stuff, and developing a new belief in yourself and your own abilities. Finding that magic that is going to propel you forward. What’s the next part? The next part. Is the hard part, but also the part that really gives us energy and confidence and resilience.
This is putting in the work, doing the work, getting in the wraps. So what is your goal? Is it health change? Is it weight loss? Is it feeling better in your body? Going back to school, new career change will not happen if we don’t create. Some kind of action plan and then take action. This is kind of a no brainer.
I totally get it, but it still has to be said because so many people want the results at the end, but aren’t willing to put in the work, but what they don’t know. Is that the work is really what makes them strong. The work is really where the gold is. It’s hard, but when we do something hard and when we remind ourselves that we can do hard things that can be applied to so many different areas outside of wellness.
So change, isn’t a linear progression. We have to have a plan then begin, and then life starts to exert its pressures. It’s inertia. We are then forced to adapt and modify or stop sadly. So many people stop at this point. So let’s talk about that. What are some of the main reasons why people typically stop or fall off the wagon?
So I think there are really three broad categories. Three broad reasons why people tend to stop first. They don’t plan. And nothing ever really happens. So this is the classic new year’s resolution. They say that they want to do something and it’s gonna start Monday. And then Monday happens and they, they go to work and they do all this.
And then. Three weeks go by one month, goes by and they’re like, oh, I meant too. The next thing is they do begin, but they start out too hot and heavy. So this is the I’m going vegan and I’m going to work out two times every day. This is great. Um, Especially in the beginning, but it’s too much and too hard to sustain.
The third reason why people tend to kind of fall off is that they begin and they’re gradual, but they stop committing to themselves and life gets in the way they are doing really well, but they forget to take inventory and continually recommit to themselves and their goals. And they also don’t allow for the ebb and flow of life.
So I. No believe me that these are broad generalizations and that we are very complex and there are multifaceted reasons why we may fall in certain categories. Um, honestly, most of us ha fall in a little bit of all three of these categories when we are working to make changes or add new things to our life.
But regardless of which category your attempts fall into, they all make us feel like failures and they all make it harder for us to get back on track. And it also feeds the idea that we can’t do it. One of the biggest mindset shifts I really want you to make is to really understand that failure is not the end.
It. Just data. It’s just information about what we can do differently. And also success is not the end. You have met the goal and there are always new opportunities to grow at every stage. How do you do the work first? And as we’ve talked about, this is something I love first, we have to make a plan. This goes for goal setters.
Like me. It’s really important for everyone because. Change does not just happen in our lives. It has to be inserted because our life is set up in a way that is very comfortable for us. It may not feel great, but it, it is very comfortable. And so we have to create a new. Plan that can move us further towards our goal.
Say your goal is weight loss. I do mention weight loss quite a bit. Please believe that this is not the bees knees for me. It is just something that a lot of people ask me about. And it’s a good starting point. If that’s your goal, let’s understand why, and that’ll really get us to where you would like to transform to.
So weight loss. Is your goal. What are your current habits? Think about your current current habits. Maybe you have quite a bit to change. Maybe you eat out for most lunches and dinners. You don’t really know how to cook. You drink a lot of soda and sugary beverages. Um, most days. You snack on chips or crackers in the afternoons and you don’t really eat very many fruits and vegetables.
So when you take inventory of what you’re doing now, this is not a test it’s simply data. Remember you maybe pick one or two of the low hanging fruit that will have a big impact on your health. So let’s, let’s maybe focus on cutting out the sugary drinks and maybe adding more vegetables. So you begin doing that for a couple.
And compassionately notice what’s working, what’s working. What’s hard, how you are talking to yourself during this time, and then take a moment to think. How did it go? Well, maybe you were able to successfully cut out the sugary drinks. You had some cravings, but you were able to make some good substitutions and you feel really good about this.
So, but maybe adding vegetables were a little bit harder because you noticed that you don’t really have the skills to cook vegetables at night. Great. Make a few changes. What can you do differently? How can you plan to strategize so that maybe you add more vegetables with breakfast? Maybe you start looking on Pinterest for some ways to make some quick salads for lunch, just to pack and bring to work or plan on adding.
One or two meals that you could cook at night and write it down and then make a grocery list. Okay. Begin one more time then look, and but check in how is it going? Well, maybe lunch went well, dinner didn’t go quite as well. And so what can you do? So I’m sure you’re getting the rhythm of this. You begin a new plan.
Make changes. And then just keep going. What you will find is if you compassionately hold yourself accountable, by making these changes and gradually adding to what you’re doing. So say you have stuck with the no sugary drinks, then you’re adding more vegetables. Then you’re learning how to cook six months to a year.
Those tiny changes. Will add up to really big results. That’s kind of the food portion. Exercise works the same way. Where are you now? And how can you add just a little more, remember if you’re going from zero, you’re probably not going to sustainably work out five days per week, but could you increase by 20%?
So maybe you start walking 10 minutes every day. And your goal is to get up to 10,000 steps per. That’s great. Maybe once you’ve gotten there, you can add a spin class or some body weight, uh, resistance training. You just have to begin and then gradually add more until you get to your goal. And remember with the exercise, it is not about calorie burning.
It is about changing your metabolism and how you feel. So if you want more about that, go back and listen to episode two, all this, while you are making changes and you are doing the work you want to continue to check in on yourself, what worked, what didn’t work. What do I need differently? Do I need to make some friends who also work out well?
I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying that you are the average of the five people who you spend the most time with. If the five people that you spend the most time with don’t exercise or eat the way you would like to eat, maybe it’s good to add some more people to your circle. So. How can you again, support yourself differently that will help you be successful.
Do you need to find some workout, friends? Do you need to join a gym? Do you need to do classes instead of working out by yourself? All of these things are pivots that you’re gonna have to try and maybe they work. Maybe they don’t work. At least you. And how do you think your life will be different if you spend one full year or six months or one month trying new things and compassionately learning more about yourself and caring for yourself every single day.
So now let’s talk about the ebb and the flow. Sometimes it’s easy to stay on track. You get started, you’re doing the thing. But sometimes it becomes really hard. These are things like traveling going on holidays, vacations, maybe work gets very demanding for a period of time, whatever this is, it’s really important to see this for what it is an opportunity to practice moderation and.
What are the basics you can do during this time to help you continue to feel good about your progress? Is it gonna be maybe where you were, or even closer to your goal? Possibly not, but it will keep you motivated and caring for yourself daily. That’s very important. So maybe it’s just making sure you get your vegetables when you’re traveling.
Maybe it’s making sure that you walk more. When you’re traveling or taking a shorter workout during the day, how can you still prioritize yourself and your goals during these kinds of hard times, but. Those times will most likely end. And when you have continued to stay motivated and continued to take action in caring for yourself during that hard time, you’re gonna be like, wow, that was awesome.
And it’s going to be easier for you to get back on track and recommit and get back to your normal progress. And just side note, if your life is a series of it’s too hard for me to care for myself. What needs to change there? I hear this so often. Well, I can’t possibly do this. I have little kids. I can’t possibly do this.
My work is X, Y, Z one. If you have no space in your life to care for yourself, even 10 minutes, every day, something needs to change. And I completely know that taking time is a luxury. Some people just don’t have, but hopefully you can find just 10 minutes to commit to yourself. And then also looking at the structure of your life as it is now, how can you insert things like more vegetables or cooking more, or maybe having other people help you out your partner, your kids, all of these things.
Maybe just need a renegotiation, a re-looking at where your time is allocated. So what are the main takeaways from our time together today? First understand your goals and your motivations. This will help you keep going. Even when things get tough next, believe in yourself. I mean really believe this is not, I hope things are different this time.
because that’s not really a belief well, it is, but it’s the belief that you are still a loser who fails and maybe sometimes will make things different. Um, Really start to shift your beliefs, both conscious and non-conscious to believe that you will get to where you want. So start to really unpack that thought and and beliefs so that you can change them without this new belief, you will quit.
So really start to notice what is getting in your way. Know that you have the power to change those beliefs about your own ability. And third is do the work, make a plan begin, execute, pivot begin again, and this will actually help you with the belief part. We have to see ourselves taking consistent action to really gain that confidence that helps us stay committed to ourselves.
Also, celebrate your wins. It’s so easy for us to poke ourselves when we don’t do things right. That we also don’t celebrate when we do things well, whenever I start conversations with my coaching, I always say, tell me about the wins because they always wanna launch into all the things that they’ve done wrong.
But when you start with the wins, you really begin to see all of the little things that you do for yourself. So one of my favorite Instagram reels that I actually go back and listen to is this one of Snoop dog where. He’s giving a thank you speech. And he starts out by saying, I want to thank. And instead of going into, I want to thank my manager and all the other people he says, I want to thank myself for believing in me.
I want to thank myself for doing the hard work. I want to thank myself for putting in the time. And I love that so much because. That is really what it comes down to knowing what your goals are, knowing what your motivation is, believing in yourself and taking the time to do the hard work to care for yourselves fully.
Okay. So now it’s your turn. What are you wanting to change? And what’s the plan to get that going? I would love to hear from you on Instagram. You can email me head over to Instagram. Let me know about your goals, and your plans. Slide into my DMS and tell me how you’re doing. Thank you so much for joining me today for this part, three of the wellness basic series.
I hope you have liked it. It was actually a little longer than I intended, but I feel really excited about this part of the change journey because it’s so it’s hard. But it’s so transformative and it actually can be really fun when you see it as an adventure into finding out more about yourself.
Thank you so much for joining me and don’t forget to subscribe and maybe share with a friend or two. Until next time, I’m wishing you so much joy in your own pursuit of Wholeness
